If you were going to rate yourself on your listening skills 1 to 10; level 1 being not very good and level 10 being a great listener. How would you rate yourself? Every leader needs to score a 10 on listening. It is a key attribute that enables a leader to develop a deep relationship with people that creates real trust.
While backpacking in the back country of Yosemite National Park with my son, five other adventure seekers and two guides, I heard two talking. One was sharing about a very personal issue that they had recently experienced with one of the guides. As I overheard the conversation, I was amazed at what an incredible listener the guide was. As the story got more personal the guide, feeling like she had pried into this persons life too much by asking too many questions, said, “You don’t have to share this with me. I don’t want to pry.” This is where I heard an amazing reply from the one who was sharing this piece of their life. She said, “No, it’s ok. It is like therapy.” I held onto that statement as it still sits in my head today.
““Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.””
How true that is…just listening can be “therapy” to someone else. The guide didn’t have to say anything, didn’t have to try to fix her problems or come up with a new process that would help her come to a better outcome. She just had to be there for her and just listen. This unleashing of an issue allowed the person going through the situation to begin to process it more than just thinking about it internally. I am not sure how this works mentally to assist in the processing of a situation, but I know it does from experience and I know it helped me get through my issue.
Are you willing to listen for your people to open up and, by doing so, give them some free therapy? Even harder, are you willing to get some therapy from your manager, your significant other, your peers or even your direct reports?
How do we make this happen?
Be intentional to be there. Make time in the office or, if you really want to get to know your team, take them outside the office; maybe even in an environment they are not familiar with or are not comfortable in such as the wilderness on an overnight camping trip.
Shut up and let them talk. This is where the challenge begins. Tell yourself to just listen. Remember that just listening is your job. Nothing else.
Ask them to tell you more. Communicate with them in a way that they know that they can share more if they feel led to.
Ann Ashford wrote a poem that hits the nail on the head. She wrote, “If all that I would want to do, would be to sit and talk to you…would you listen?” Would you? My challenge to you is to strive to be a level 10 listener with those people in your life that matter the most. Reflect each week on how you think you are doing. It’s your choice. You could serve your people by giving them some therapy and all you have to do is say…nothing; JUST LISTEN.
